Chill Out!!!: January 2009

Why would Bill Gates sell Microsoft?!

Letter is from George. W. Bush to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
Problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to California ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I
Find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4.. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find'
Button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not
Provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,

George. W. Bush

Last one from him to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE

TAKE A LOOK:

1 ) Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
   Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
   Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
   Customer: "No."
   Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."

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2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am
still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

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3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
   Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
  Customer : "What?"
  Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
  Customer: "No..."

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4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

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5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech support : ##### ***

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6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####

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7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"

Customer : "Pentium."

Tech support : ////-----+++
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8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????

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9).Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."

Tech Support : ?!%#$
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10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"

Tech support : ??????

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11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support : "What does it say?"

Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech support : @@@@@
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12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"

Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support : "Well?"

Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support : *** ---- ++++
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  14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keeps quite for moment)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

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Height Of all (Too Good)

15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Information(?) Technology!

| at 9:54 PM

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I Would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, Hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is Technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, "You must be a project manager."

'Yes, I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where You are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to Keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'

Awesome Flash Drives!

| at 9:50 PM

Coincidence photography 2

| at 9:42 PM

Doctor!!!

| at 9:28 PM

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute.'

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, 'So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? '

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic .....
What did he say?

Guess.

He said : 'Try to do it when the engine is running'.