Chill Out!!!

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:

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TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
 
You sell one and buy a bull.
 
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
 
PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
 
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid,
British for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation by
the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead. You put the
blame on some nation with cows and say that that nation is a danger
to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab that nation's
cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,eat
once a month
and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge owners for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and
market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and
arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

BANGLADESH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know economy.
You choose one of them as the Prime Minister of the country
and the other as the Leader of the Opposition.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

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PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE

                              TAKE A LOOK:


  1 ) Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
                           Customer   : "Ok."
      Tech Support   : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
                           Customer   : "No."
      Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
                                                      Customer: "No."
      Tech Support   : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this                             point?"
      Customer   : "Sure, you told me to write 'click'  and I wrote
                                'click'."

                ----------------------------------------

   2) Customer   : "I received the software update  you sent, but I am
                 still getting the same error  message."
             Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
   Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


           --------------------------------------------------

      3)Customer  : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
              Tech Support   : "Tell me what you've done."
                   Customer   : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
  Tech Support   : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
  Customer   : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
    Tech Support   : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
  Customer   : "What?"
  Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
  Customer: "No..."

           --------------------------------------------------

      4).Customer   : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
            Tech Support  : ?!%#$   (welll pretend to smile)

           --------------------------------------------------

  5).Tech Support   : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
                 canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
        Customer   : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

                       Tech support   :  ##### ***

           --------------------------------------------------

         6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
                       Customer   : "A white one."
                    Tech support  :  ******_____####

           --------------------------------------------------

     7). Tech Support   : "What operating system are  you running?"

                         Customer   : "Pentium."

                     Tech support   :  ////-----+++
           --------------------------------------------------

   8). Customer   : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
                        Tech support   :  ??????

           --------------------------------------------------

              9).Customer   : "I have Microsoft Exploder."

                          Tech Support  : ?!%#$
           --------------------------------------------------

             10).Customer   : "How do I print my voicemail?"


                        Tech support   :  ??????

           --------------------------------------------------

  11). Customer   : "You've got to fix my computer.  I urgently need to
         print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

                  Tech Support   : "What does it say?"

      Customer   : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

   Tech Support   : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

    Customer   : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

                         Tech support   :  @@@@@
           --------------------------------------------------

   12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if  there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

                    Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

           --------------------------------------------------

         13). Tech Support   : "What does the screen say  now?"

             Customer   : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

                        Tech Support   : "Well?"

              Customer   : "How do I know when it's ready?"

                     Tech support   :  *** ---- ++++
           --------------------------------------------------




  14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I Would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, Hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is Technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, "You must be a project manager."

'Yes, I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where You are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to Keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'

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