Call Centre!


                              TAKE A LOOK:

  1 ) Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
                           Customer   : "Ok."
      Tech Support   : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
                           Customer   : "No."
      Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
                                                      Customer: "No."
      Tech Support   : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this                             point?"
      Customer   : "Sure, you told me to write 'click'  and I wrote


   2) Customer   : "I received the software update  you sent, but I am
                 still getting the same error  message."
             Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
   Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


      3)Customer  : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
              Tech Support   : "Tell me what you've done."
                   Customer   : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
  Tech Support   : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
  Customer   : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
    Tech Support   : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
  Customer   : "What?"
  Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
  Customer: "No..."


      4).Customer   : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
            Tech Support  : ?!%#$   (welll pretend to smile)


  5).Tech Support   : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
                 canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
        Customer   : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

                       Tech support   :  ##### ***


         6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
                       Customer   : "A white one."
                    Tech support  :  ******_____####


     7). Tech Support   : "What operating system are  you running?"

                         Customer   : "Pentium."

                     Tech support   :  ////-----+++

   8). Customer   : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
                        Tech support   :  ??????


              9).Customer   : "I have Microsoft Exploder."

                          Tech Support  : ?!%#$

             10).Customer   : "How do I print my voicemail?"

                        Tech support   :  ??????


  11). Customer   : "You've got to fix my computer.  I urgently need to
         print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

                  Tech Support   : "What does it say?"

      Customer   : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

   Tech Support   : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

    Customer   : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

                         Tech support   :  @@@@@

   12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if  there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

                    Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"


         13). Tech Support   : "What does the screen say  now?"

             Customer   : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

                        Tech Support   : "Well?"

              Customer   : "How do I know when it's ready?"

                     Tech support   :  *** ---- ++++

  14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power  supply.

Tech:   (keeps quite for moment)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the  startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll  need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just  needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

                        Tech support::(hush hush)
   Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

                            User: I knew it!

   Tech   : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let  me know how it goes.

                            10 minutes later.

      User   : It didn't work. The power supply is  still smoking.

            Tech   : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

                          User   : MS-DOS 6.22.

   Tech   : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the  file. Let me know how it goes.

                              1 hour later.

                   User  : I need a new power supply.

          Tech support  : How did you come to that conclusion?

                      Tech support  :  (hush hush)

   User   : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

                       Tech: Then what did he say?

  User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.


                        Height Of all (Too Good)

   15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

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