Ten Commandments
Commandment 1 . Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. Commandment 2 If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3. Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the Man Speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of One Thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts When They try to decide which one.
Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about Something You say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why the wife treats the husband like toxic waste.
Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Bonus Commandment story. A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled and said "Wow! This stuff really Works!"
The stupid girl!
I knew a girl that was so stupid that...
1. She called me to get my phone number.
2. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said 'concentrate.'
3. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
4. She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
5. She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
6. She tried to drown a fish.
7. She thought a quarterback was a refund.
8. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
9. She tripped over a cordless phone.
10. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she
slept.
11. She asked for a price check at the dollar store.
12. She studied for a blood test.
13. She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
14. When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
15. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
16. When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said 'Airport Left' she turned around and went home
